Coach Mikki and Friends

Rewriting the Narrative of Self - Sensei Nancy Mueller - S4E10

March 16, 2024 Coach Mikki
Coach Mikki and Friends
Rewriting the Narrative of Self - Sensei Nancy Mueller - S4E10
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Have you ever sensed that a simple stroll through nature could unlock the secrets to a happier, more present you? Sensei Nancy joins me, Coach Mikki, on a journey through the calming practice of mindfulness walks, unraveling the tapestry of our internal dialogue with the quiet whispers of the great outdoors. Our conversation weaves through the art of grounding oneself in authenticity and the transformative communal space of Sensei Nancy's online dojo, where women unite in support and exploration of self-discovery. It's an enlightening discussion that peels back the layers of the masks we wear, encouraging listeners to find solace and clarity in the embrace of the present moment.

Transitioning from the rustle of leaves to the rustling of societal norms, we address the metamorphosis of women's roles and the symbolic shift from stiff business suits to the comfort of self-expression. Delving deeper, we redefine what it means to be "selfish," advocating for a narrative steeped in self-love and healing. Sensei Nancy and I reflect on the indelible ink of childhood experiences on our canvas of beliefs, and together, we champion the empowering choice to rewrite our life stories. This episode is an invitation to reshape your reality with acceptance and love and to muster the courage to let go of beliefs that have overstayed their welcome. Join us for an intimate, heart-to-heart exchange that may just shift your perspective on resilience, reality, and the potential for personal rebirth.

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Speaker 1:

Hey, I'm Coach Mickey and I'm so glad that you've joined us, and if this is your first time joining us, come on in to make yourself comfortable. As you can see, I'm pretty comfortable today because I am really thrilled that I have got back on this guest. Her and I have had an opportunity to collaborate and do some great things, and she has got some amazing insight that is not only just gonna help you with whatever you're doing, but even as a person, and I love these conversations. So I was so glad that she said hey, let me stop by and let's just run some things through and talk, and I'm like so I got my coffee, I'm in my sweatshirt and we are gonna have fun so and learn a little bit of something and I'm sure I will too, but I know it's gonna give you some incredible insight. So thank you for coming back and reaching out to me and going hey, mick, let's do this. Welcome, sensei Nancy. How are you?

Speaker 2:

I'm fabulous thank you, and I have to say that I have on my peacock color. This reminds me of a peacock and the reason is, when I went on my mindfulness walk today I do that every day I was walking and my mindfulness walk is all about looking around me. You know like I take my phone but that's usually because I wanna take a picture of something, but the ringer's off and all of that, so I'm totally just looking around. It's asking the universe, like what am I supposed to see today? What are you gonna share with me today? And like, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something kind of like pop up and I looked oh my gosh, the most beautiful peacock was just walking around my neighborhood. And I was, I know. I was like what?

Speaker 2:

And what's really cool is last Saturday or Sunday, when I was on my walk, I ran into my neighbor's down the street and the husband was saying to me have you seen the peacock that's been walking around the neighborhood? And I said no, I really wanna see it. Oh, I hope I see it. And he goes yeah, we haven't seen it for a couple months, but it usually comes around sometime. And I said I'm gonna be on the lookout for it. And today, there you go. So like I'm in peacock mode today, how's that.

Speaker 1:

I love it. I love it. Now I can ask were you wearing the shirt before or did you put it on after?

Speaker 2:

No, I put it on in honor of the peacock sighting today. I love it.

Speaker 1:

I love it. That's awesome. Well, you've had some great stories because you've shared with me on and off air, with how your walks have actually opened up insight to you or downloads and giving you answers, and we had that discussion about sometimes just being peaceful and doing what we enjoy the most opens up the doors. We didn't expect.

Speaker 2:

Exactly. Yes, of course it's good for me, the exercise wise, but I don't like try to fast walk, I don't try to get in a certain amount of steps, I just go with the flow. And there's this beautiful Banyan tree down the street for me that I pass it every day on my walk and I have found myself like I actually walk past the tree and look up at her I think it's a hymn and say good morning, your Majesty. I mean it's so big and you know it's been there for years and years and years, and I can't help but feel like, what are you sharing with me today? And you know not to sound like I'm all you know talking to the trees, but maybe I am.

Speaker 2:

It's all good, but we get so much from nature and when we talk about being grounded, that happens when you are on a mindfulness walk, meaning that you're not, you know, listening with earbuds in and you're not canceling out things around you, because I actually walk out my driveway, I walk out the gate and I say what do you wanna share with me today?

Speaker 2:

And it's so interesting how, like bam, I get this download or these thoughts come to me and I'm like, oh okay, so that's what we're going to think about today, and that's what happiness is all about. Right, it's like when you stay in the moment and you realize what am I thinking about and how am I feeling about what I'm thinking about? Now you realize, okay, I'm either no-transcript you really strongly connected with my inner being, or I'm kind of like drifting away. And so we always, we have all the power we do, but we think, you know, oh, something's gotta happen in order for me to feel really wonderful. But it's not, it's simply a choice every second, every second, and I'm especially tuned into that when I go on my mindfulness walk.

Speaker 1:

I love the fact that you say mindfulness walk, because a lot of times people go out and their brain is still on work, it's still on what's happening, instead of just allowing things to just relax and come to you the way they do. And you and I were talking before we came on about how we always wait for things to be our perfect selves. You know how we always want, we always wear these masks that you know. We want people to see us in a certain way, in a certain light, and that's not reality. That's not who we are as people, and I think we're coming to understand that. It's just allowing yourself to just feel and be who you are and surround yourself with those, and you offer an incredible environment. Besides teaching this about the mindfulness and you know them, understanding you're in yourself but you also offer a program that you have people come to on a regular basis where they allows them just to be who they are.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, yeah, and I call it the dojo in honor of my martial arts background, and sometime last year I felt guided to create this online space for women to show up every week, and there's a different topic every week that we discuss about mindfulness or reminding us of why we are so powerful, and then we have a conversation as a group around this topic. So it's not just me like saying, oh, let me talk to you today. It's me sharing a topic, and then we all chime in and talk about how it's lighting us up or how it's impacting us in the moment. And the cool thing about that is is we are getting this feedback from everyone who is on the conversation. And so, because you know, like I might say something and someone else might, their mind might go in a completely different direction that I didn't think about, and it's about having a space for women to show up, much like we do in the karate dojo. You know all about that. You know when we're going from white belt to black belt, what do we do? We show up every day, and there are times when we're like, oh, I can't figure this out, or I don't know what I'm doing, or oh, I don't really feel like being here today, and it's not just us showing up, it's everyone else that showed up that is creating that energy for our success and that's the mindset that I created with this online group that we meet every week. And you know I could, you know we've talked, I could talk about martial arts all day long, so, but that's it's really exciting for me.

Speaker 2:

And I had someone call me just this morning and she had attended one of the dojo meetings a couple of weeks ago and she said I'm calling to apologize to you because that day that I showed up, I was really in, you know, this low space and not feeling very good about myself. I'm going through something and I said before you keep going, I'm just gonna stop you right there and let you know there is nothing for you to apologize for. That's what this group is all about. It's about us being allowed to show up authentically and however you're feeling, you're feeling Maybe you're there because you need to be picked up and maybe you're there to pick somebody else up. It's just like I don't know, maybe Saturday or Sunday, when I was on my mindfulness walk, I was towards the end of the walk and I was in front of this big banyan tree and I had this idea to oh, I'm right now I need to share this thought on video, and normally that's not what I do.

Speaker 2:

Like I said, I have the phone with me because there's oftentimes I want to take pictures of something, but I felt so strongly to show this message so I said, okay, I'm gonna do this right now. So I'm holding up the phone and I'm taking this video. And it didn't really dawn on me until afterwards and I watched the video again, that I'm like, oh my gosh, I've got on my sun hat and it's crooked, and my sunglasses and I'm kind of like I'll sweaty and my face is red and everything and I'm like that doesn't exactly like. And then I thought, no, I know that this message came to me for a reason, so I'm going to put it out there. However, it came to me and it's really it's time for women to stop thinking and believing that we have to show up like June Cleaver. You know when Ward comes home from work, you know it's about being authentic and whatever that looks like for you.

Speaker 1:

And you're so right, because I think, see, look, look, I'm looking at this now and when you were talking, I'm like I can feel this, you know, okay, but you know what? Though? You've got a gift, and when you have something that you have to offer and it needs to come out, honestly, looking past, we're all. We look at ourselves and go I want everything to be perfect, I want my hair to be good, I want my makeup, and there's so many times I've gone on or I've done videos and I'm like, looking back and going, maybe my camera's blurry or something happened, and I put the message was so strong that if you're getting caught up that my camera's blurry and there was, I sneezed, or I got a kid crying in the background, or whatever you know for my guests then you know you're missing the whole point, and I think so. You know, I was writing down a couple of days ago and it came to me and I thought you know, even a perfect rose still has thorns. There is no such thing as perfection, you know, and I was writing that down when I was writing in my journal, my book, and I was like this is so true.

Speaker 1:

And I want to back up a little bit, because for those of you that maybe don't not aware of the martial arts dojo, dojo means learning place. It also means place of peace peace for yourself, and it's also for a place for you to learn. Now, you know Nancy goes by Sensei Nancy, and rightfully so, because she is a teacher. So she is teaching you, you know, in her dojo, how to find a place of peace within yourself, and I think that's brilliant because, as we know, martial arts is more than just kicking and punching. It's also finding your own inner strength and who you are and being able to bring that to the world too and build character. So I love how you did that, that brilliance of doing that, but also, like you said, realizing that you know it would be perfect. You've got a gift. You're unique. Whoever you are, there's nobody else like you, and it doesn't matter if you're wearing a sweatshirt, you're wearing a suit or you're wearing yoga pants. You have got an incredible gift and let it shine. Let it shine.

Speaker 2:

And you know what came to me when you were saying that, mickey, is that you know, there was a period of time when, okay, women didn't really go out in public and do public things, and then they started doing that. And then they had to, you know kind of dress, the part, the business part, and they had to wear the suits and skirts. And then it was like, okay, now I can wear pants, suits. And you know, gradually we're like, no, I'm gonna be comfortable, I'm gonna do this. But when you think about what happened during COVID, the whole world shut down and everyone got really comfortable. Yeah, there was a lot going on, but we were sequestered and after the world opened up and we started coming out of our, you know, sequestered space, we realized like I like that feeling of being comfortable, I want to show up being comfortable and I feel that a big part of that is because so much energy shifted during that timeframe and it was much like the energy when we went from the dark ages to the Renaissance era. I don't know what we're calling this shift of energy that is taking place right now, but it's really about being authentic, really loving yourself, really asking yourself in the moment, how am I feeling and is this what's best for me?

Speaker 2:

And being selfish and if that feels harsh to people, maybe you could replace that word with self-preserving.

Speaker 2:

But self-preserving to me kind of sounds like you know, I don't know, like you're putting something on hold.

Speaker 2:

But we're not used to being selfish and we're all here to be selfish.

Speaker 2:

But the thing is it's really important to remember everyone is here to be selfish. So what I'm doing selfishly for me and what you're doing selfishly for you, like right now, we're both doing what's selfish for both of us. And because we're so aligned energetically and vibrationally, we're having this beautiful conversation and that's the allowing part of flow and loving who you are and paying attention to what energy blocks are you coming up against and what are they teaching you and letting it go and feeling good in the moment and we hold all the power. The thing is is we've been taught to give our power away to other people and we think, oh, I have to please you before I can please me, and that's not being selfish. So it's always about what are you doing, what am I doing for me, what are you doing for you? And when we're all doing what's best for our highest, most expanded self that we can possibly feel in the moment. We really are making changes that we probably don't even realize we're making.

Speaker 1:

Well, and you were grasping at the word and I agree with you and my head was did you see the smoke? Because I was thinking I thought you were saying it and I came up with it. You know what I thought? No, we're not being selfish. Self care, exactly. And I think of it in this way because I know you're helping so many people, I know you give so much time and energy to other people and you are the most generous and kindest and outgoing person. I know that is the first one aligned to say how can I help, what can I do? So I don't selfish, doesn't? It just doesn't fit, because people think of selfish as you're self-preserving, you don't do anything, and that's not true.

Speaker 1:

So I think self care is another element that we can look at and kind of replace that word, but it's vital.

Speaker 1:

It's crucial because if we're not taking care of ourselves and I did a podcast a while with my friend Jackie and she was talking about how she was getting in touch with herself and she knew to start taking care of herself and she said it reminded me of the airplane you know that was the first thing they tell you to do Put the ostrich mask on yourself first, then take care of other people.

Speaker 1:

Well, if you're stuck in air and can't breathe, you're not gonna be able to help anybody else. Exactly, and it's the same thing with self care. You know, if you're not taking care of yourself and you're not finding your own peace. And you've done your own self work and you've evolved as a person I mean you and I have had some intense conversations and it's been years and insight and work to go. This is how I was, this is where I you know how I thought, and now we've come to this evolution emotionally. You know that has helped us within ourselves, but also physically, but also the outside people we surround ourselves with, and I know that for the people that you work with, because that's what you offer- yeah, thank you.

Speaker 2:

And you know something else that came up for me when you were saying that is self loving. We could go from selfish to self care, to self loving and you know, really think about what are we doing to be self loving. And all of the work that I do, everything is a compilation of where I came from to where I am right now. And you know, my childhood was very traumatic. I had experienced mental abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse that escalated to sexual abuse by the age of 12. So when you think about that space of time and what my child self took on and what she believed about not being worthy, and you know the shame and the guilt and the obligation and all of those feelings, those are something that we take on, our child self takes on as our identity, and then we create beliefs around that, beliefs based on how we view the world.

Speaker 2:

And that's why I really love talking to people about mastering their beliefs, because we bring those beliefs with us into adulthood and then we don't even realize that that's what's keeping us from the self care, the self love, and it's a choice, though at any given moment it's a choice Do I want to believe this about me or do I want to believe that about me? And we have a choice about what we want to believe. But if we're still being triggered by the emotions, that's where we're being given the opportunity to do the inner work. So I think, too a lot of people, I feel that a lot of people fear inner work because they think, oh, I'm going to have to get in touch with something I don't want to look at or I don't know, talk about something that I'm ashamed of. And, first of all, it's about finding the right person to talk to when you're doing the inner work. But second of all, it's the most freeing thing you can do for yourself, and what a gift of self love that is.

Speaker 1:

You're right. You're right, and it takes a lot of courage to talk about something that's transpired and happened, you know, for you to be able to share and say this is what happened to me and this is how I've dealt with it and how it's affected my life. That takes a lot of courage and some people are afraid. However, offering a safe space is the most important thing and that's what you do in your dojo, because I do know you offer that safe space. You know, whether it's one on one or within a group, and finding that is the most crucial part of what you want to do and be able to do that. And I've noticed over the years dealing and talking about things that have happened in my life, being able to talk about it. The more you talk about it, the more you share.

Speaker 1:

It heals, it's healing in itself, it's, you know, it's get it out, let it purge, because when you hold it in, you're just all you're doing is you're creating. You know, first of all, physically, it's not going to help you. I mean, it's like what do they say? Stress is like little razor blades in your body. You know, emotionally, it's always in the back of your mind and that's not, you're not going to grow from that. It's whether it's journaling, whether it's, you know, meeting being a safe spot, whether it. But the acknowledgement, like you said, is the most crucial and important thing. But then you take something like you've been through and, instead of allowing it to be the detriment and hold you back, you've empowered yourself to use it as something and you're in control of what happened. That feeling and that situation is no longer controlling you. That's huge. That's huge.

Speaker 2:

It is, and when you're still being impacted by those negative emotions. And you understand that emotions are energy and motion. So it's that energy in the body that's creating all those negative feelings. It's like you're shooting yourself from the inside out over and over and you're like, oh my gosh, when is this going to be done? And that's what led me to martial arts, because I thought, okay, I need to go find something where I can kick ass and take names, instead of people kicking my ass and, you know, doing things to me. And I just thank God every day for martial arts and what it's done for me.

Speaker 2:

And but we know, the more you study, the more you start to grasp the philosophy and the mindset and the energy and the Chi. And you start to ask yourself different questions like, well, it's not just about being able to fight physically, it's about knowing your inner strength, like you talked about earlier. And I'm telling you, when someone can you know, when I work with someone it's like, okay, you can skip all the years of martial arts that I take, let me just bring you right here where you are right now. And it's just, I love my life, I love that I get to share these philosophies and this mindset and and I say that a lot that I share it. And I learned that years and years and years ago from a book called Zen in the Martial Arts by Joe Himes, and at that time, you know, he was studying with Mr Perker, who is the you know, kempo Karate, my style of karate and I was so enamored by his book. And one of the things that he said is I'm going to share my art with you. I'm not going to teach you to do it my way, because when I share something, we're walking a path together and I'm paraphrasing here. But but he said, when I teach you, then you feel like you have to do it my way. And I've always tried to remember that. I've not tried to. I always remember that.

Speaker 2:

You know, when I'm working with someone, when I'm having a conversation with someone, it's not about me. It's not about me saying, well, I think it should be this way, or if you did this, this would happen. It's really about sharing this journey together, of this conversation together, and what are we both getting out of it? And because everything we do with someone else, whether it's something that we're posting on social media or whether it's a conversation we're having with a person. However we're showing up, there is someone else being impacted or something else being impacted, and that has a ripple effect. So how we're showing up for ourselves, it's a gift for ourselves and it's a gift for others. Now you're right?

Speaker 1:

well, first of all, it's very rare that you ever hear somebody say I love my life. I mean that's rare, it's a rare quality and I cannot tell you how many years it took me to go. I actually like who I am, I actually like me. I mean, that took years and you're right, it's like we have something to offer and your job is we're just giving you the tools. Whatever you decide to do with it is up to you. When I was coaching one of my teams at the end of the year, they gave me a gift and they gave me a plaque that said a good coach wins game.

Speaker 1:

A great coach changes lives, and it's not just as a coach, it's as a teacher, it's who you people look up to you. You're gonna have somebody in your life that looks up to you as a mentor, because they go to you for insight and information. Could be your friends, could be your kids, could be your family, could be just even yourself. You have got to be your own mentor to go. Hey, what am I available for and what am I not? And within that, but what a gift. I mean, like I said, it's such a rarity for somebody to say I love my life. I mean that's and you know, and this didn't happen overnight for you. I mean, this was a lot of. This was a journey.

Speaker 2:

It was? Yeah, it was. And then, just when I thought I was getting where I needed to be, my marriage of 32 years imploded and fell apart and I went through a divorce and literally lost everything. I'm saying everything when I say everything, I'm telling you everything and you think to yourself gosh, how can this be happening? Right when I feel like I'm getting everything together? But the thing is is that it's really shift things that are shifting for you and again, nothing has meaning other than the meaning you're going to give it. So we look at a situation and we say, oh, I'm giving this. The meaning of my life is falling apart and you know, when you're being negatively impacted emotionally, it's very difficult to say, oh, we, I'm going through a divorce, oh what?

Speaker 1:

am I gonna learn here you?

Speaker 2:

know we don't do that kind of stuff, but so we have to sit through it. However long we have to sit through it, and that's good, because that's teaching us something as well. But something that came to me on one of my walks was hindsight is really the opportunity to see something that was always there but we couldn't see at the time. And I'm like gosh, that is really powerful. You know, when you think about it, it's like it's a reminder that the universe is always there for us, we're always being supported, everything is always working out for us, and it's the stories that we tell ourselves that either propel us forward or keep us going backwards. And that's why I love I have one workshop that I teach.

Speaker 2:

It's called Going Beyond your Story, because it's like okay, so what story are you telling yourself now? All right, so how can we go beyond that? And when you keep asking yourself now how can I go beyond that? And how can I? Until you really get up to that resistance of like look, all right, now I'm at the point that I'm the queen of England and I just don't know where else I can go. You know, and it's really, it's fun. I mean, everything happens in the mind first anyway. So if you're going to create something negative in your mind, you might as well learn how to create something positive, you know, master your beliefs and create something positive.

Speaker 1:

Very powerful.

Speaker 1:

That's so true because you're right, everything we do is based on our thoughts. It's like what are you saying to yourself? You know, and if you're constantly telling yourself the same story, you know you might as well do this. You might as well go record here, just listen. I don't need to say it again, it's already recorded. Yeah, but you've got. You have the ability to change that recording.

Speaker 1:

You know, I find myself sometimes when I'm thinking about my past or something triggers something in me and I go wait a minute, this isn't true. Why am I still believing this and I'll go delete? No, rewrite it. Rewrite it. This is not gonna doesn't work for me anymore. I'm not gonna keep believing this.

Speaker 1:

And but then again, it comes down to to the knowledge and understanding that you know I wanna. We're so close in time and I can sit and talk for hours with you. That's why I love having you come back. You know, I want you to come back because we need to have more conversations like this, just to sit and have a cup of coffee and do this. However, with that being said, I know there's gonna be people and I that wanna reach out to you, and I really want people to reach out to you because you offer a safe space and you've got such a welcoming way with no matter what anybody's been through, they can easily sit and talk to you and you. You sit there with a kind heart and an open mind. So how can and the links will all be down below too, but how can people reach out to you?

Speaker 2:

The best way to get ahold of me is go to my website. Everything is there masteringyourbeliefscom. Every way you wanna get ahold of me, it's right there.

Speaker 1:

All right, well, thanks, nancy, that was fun. We gotta get together and do this again. I definitely wanna get together and do this on a regular basis, because you've got a lot of insight and just sitting and having good conversations, like you know, we need this. I think we need it as friends, we need it as women, we need it as people Exactly. Thank you, mickey. All right, thank you so much, you guys. I will look forward to seeing you on our next episode, and I don't know if you can hear that in the background because I've got my windows open and I've got my truck going by, so if you've heard it, I apologize. Thank you so much. If you didn't hear what Nancy said, please the information will be down below Please reach out to her. Until then, remember, the most courageous thing you can do is be yourself. Until our next episode, I'll see ya.

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